Don't become isolated
Isolation from your support network
As many parents know, isolation from the world can be like an excruciating black hole you can’t get out of. You feel isolated when you first shut that door from the world when the children arrive to you or when you give birth and your child is needing your undivided attention, you can feel isolated standing on the school playground surrounded by other parents who don’t understand the struggles that are going on at home or in your head, you can even feel isolated when at home with your partner who may not understand what is happening and how you are struggling with some of the curveballs that parenting brings you.
Take that and multiply it when you are a single parent, limited support from your co-parent, and have no family support around you. Most parents understand that a strong family or friendship network around them is needed to help bring up your children. It takes a village to raise a child…
Adoption social workers assess this thoroughly before approving you to adopt and to ensure that you have all the support around you that you didn’t know you needed, until you did! Many birth mothers in particular ensure that they are living back close to parents or siblings who could support them when they give birth
Being isolated from your family and friend networks while divorced, especially living abroad on the other side of the world can severely affect your mental health and your ability to be the best parent you can possibly be. Celebrating a birthday for you or your children without the familiar comfort of the rest of the family with you blowing out the candles and sharing presents, is lonely. Christmas time is daunting, knowing you cannot be around the people you love most
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Even more simply, just the every day emotional support (and the physical support sometimes!) is what you miss most. Being able to pop over to your mum’s house for a coffee and catch up, taking your kids fishing with your dad so he can teach them things that he taught you, or dropping the kids over their cousins house while you catch up with your sibling over some cheese and crackers while the kids play in the garden, these are the little things that you need to be able to parent effectively, and if you are lucky enough to still have these good relationships in your life, you need to savour them completely before they are gone…
My advice to anyone going through the adoption process is to take yourself as close as possible to your support network, whether it be your family or your very close friends. Don’t isolate yourself