Demonstrating Happiness

With so much change over the past couple of years, I have been led purely by one goal, which is to be happy. We have such a short time on earth, and I have decided that everything else aside, I just want to be happy in life. This has only recently begun guiding all of my decision making but if I look back, I have been subconsciously doing this from the age I could make my own decisions. Don't we all chase what makes us happy and avoid what makes us hurt or sad? So when did this stop, and at what age did some of us push this naturally occurring strategy down and sacrifice ourselves ?

The first question I ask myself when making a decision is "Will this make me happy?". Actually, if I think about it, the first question I ask myself is "Am I happy?" and if the answer is "No" then I need to make some changes, and that is when I analyse the next step

Some of these changes on the path to happiness have impact on other people positively and negatively. Other people don't necessarily like being impacted. Some people prefer you to follow the path you were on, because it is easier for them despite you being unhappy. Overall though, any decision you make should not be for anyone else's benefit except your own

Except if you have children…

Taking into account that the decision making process to become happy is a pretty 'selfish' exercise, how can a parent make a choice guilt free, that benefits them but could be difficult for their children? I have heard it all, from 'children adapt!' through to 'just focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place'. I don't agree but I also don't disagree with the advice

I am of the strong opinion that your job, as a parent, is to teach your children to be happy! Teach them to be confident in making decisions about their own happiness, and give them the strength and the tools in life to overcome any adversity they may face, with the life skill of pursuing happiness. This can really only be taught through demonstrating it.

Hats off to the parents who have sacrificed their own happiness for the sake of their children, by remaining in relationships that make them unhappy, or by staying in the same place your whole life, no matter how unhappy it makes you. My fear for these people are that they are teaching their children, and the next generation that being unhappy is necessary in life because it makes you a 'good person' or because you should sacrifice your own wants for someone else.

Don't get me wrong, being selfless for altruistic reasons is another story. Being selfless may be someone's key to happiness! Foregoing your own pleasure and happiness for someone else MAY actually make you happy, but this is a different situation. I am talking about being genuinely unhappy and you have tried everything possible to be happy in that situation but it just doesn't work anymore

I am also not talking about pursuing happiness at the EXPENSE of someone else's happiness intentionally. Pursuing happiness should never be just to spite someone else or to hurt anyone on purpose. Pursuing happiness should be solely a self gratifying pursuit in life

Since I separated from my ex partner due to being so unhappy for so long (and I am sure if you ask him, he would agree he was too!), I have received a large number of messages through social media due to my blog and Instagram posts, especially from parents of adopted children, who were asking for advice. Many of them, like me, felt a huge amount of guilt for creating a family and promising their children, who may have not had the best start in life, a forever family, only to end our relationships. Other situations included making life choices that affected their children so they could pursue their own happiness, or at least a chance for happiness

I am strongly of the opinion that to teach your children to be happy, they need to see you happy! They need to see you overcoming adversity, they need to see that life throws you curveballs and tries to derail your happiness but you can change tracks. They need to understand that pursuing your own happiness is a good thing (as long as the intention is not to hurt others!)

I believe that our job as parents is to teach our children life skills by demonstrating these skills first. Then maybe one day, you can be their support when they are going through the same situation, and actually have similar life experiences to share…